Keepin’ it 100

While some of my posts are short and sweet (maybe just a quick thought or short poem), I reached 100 posts and I am proud♥  I am proud of myself for engaging in something I passionately love, writing.  And I am thankful for anyone out there reading this, anyone in this universe (or maybe another universe) that connects with my voice and the words I write.  Those same words that mold my thoughts and feelings into sentences, later paragraphs and stories of my life.  Sometimes I feel like my life is simple and uneventful but as I review my first 100 posts, I realize something – my life is wild and amazing, filled with love and adventure, and my brain is alive and well, pumping with thoughts that are chomping at the bit to be put to paper.  It feels really good to sit and write either about whatever comes to mind or about a topic I have been dwelling on for days.  It feels even better to realize you have found something in life that makes you happy and feel like yourself when you do it.  The definition of contentment, to me, is when I am both happy and relaxed as I dive deeper into a passion project such as this.

So please join me as I continue into the next one hundred posts during this 35th year of my life.  My mind is still brewing up more writing ideas, including one of my larger goals of writing either a series of short stories or a book of the three loves I know of and admire.  The first love story is that of my neighbor Pat and her husband Mark.  Mark, as you may know from my recent updates, passed away from this earth, relieved from his painful bone cancer battle.  The best of friends in every way, Mark and Pat were a beautiful couple who we enjoyed having in our lives for the past eight years as neighbors.

The second love story is that of Hugo’s grandparents, Polly and Bob.  Married for over seventy-five years, they weathered every type of storm imaginable, with both of them living into their mid-nineties (Polly is still chugging along at 95!).  As husband and wife, they traveled, raised their four children into confident, successful adults, and worked in various industries, including Bob’s time in the Navy during World War II.

The third and final love story is my fairy tale with Hugo.  In my opinion, this is the most beautiful love story of all.  We are the best of friends and he is the true puzzle piece to my life.  As I reflect on the three stories, side by side, I can see the common threads of friendship, trust, loyalty, and deep love running through them all.  Stand by for my series of love stories, coming soon to a blog near you ♥

Finding your true North

What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?  My first 34 years are behind me and I can’t take back any of the things I have done.  I haven’t done anything wrong in those years but all of the time is gone.  Since I don’t know how many more years I have left, how do I know what kind of time frame I have to accomplish my unknown tasks?  I have just under a hundred directions I want to go and just as many careers I want to pursue.  Hugo and I have tons of places we intend to visit, the majority of which I would run off to right now if work didn’t get in the way.  I wish someone could tell you where to go and what to do with your life.  As if there was a perfect answer to the scrolling questions and unfinished sentences in my head.  As if a script was already written, you were handed a guidebook along with a bag of survival tools, and you embarked on the path.  As bland as that may sound, it might be easier at times than having to navigate in the dark on your own.  Are you right where you should be or should you take a drastic risk and it will prove successful?  Of course the main fear we all have is that it won’t work out and I will find myself disappointed in failure and angry with poor decisions.

All of those thoughts stem from my recent internal battle over what direction to go with my life.  It isn’t a true mid-life crisis because, Spaghetti Monster willing (please comment if you get that reference rather than the typical ‘God willing’ phrase), I have well more than roughly thirty more years left on this planet.  Maybe 30 years left on Earth and another thirty on Mars?  Just kidding.  I am simply hoping for another sixty healthy years with Hugo by my side.

My recent thoughts originate from a few levels – my frustration with my current career, the thought of so many of my interests not being explored, and the feeling that every day I go to work doing what I am currently doing, I feel as if my days could be much more satisfying to me if I could throw myself into one of my many entrepreneurial interests.  There really isn’t any way of knowing if I never take the leap to make a change.  But gosh that is scary.

For now, I will just keep sitting here and plotting my next moves.  Day dreaming about the bakery I want to open, the real estate endeavors I want to take, and the endless business ventures I want to cannonball into like a teenager at the edge of a rocky edge in a sweltering summer day.  In fact, it is quite hot outside on this particular Sunday afternoon so maybe a cannonball would be appropriate right now.

Writer’s Note:  I haven’t shared this blog with anyone in my family, other than my husband, mother and father.  Apparently my parents thought that the point of all this was for me to express myself, pose rhetorical questions, and share my deepest, darkest thoughts…and then THEY would reply with tips and suggestions on how to fix it.  I understand that this is the natural parental response because they care about and love me HOWEVER, that is most definitely not the intention.  I assured my mother on the phone today that I didn’t go through the effort of writing so that I could inform them of my feelings by way of a daily post.  If I get one more email from them that includes “Dad found you some nail-biting solutions on Google”, I might have to take extreme measures (dare I say Mom and Dad get blocked?!). Love you both very much ♥